I know damn well that there's no such thing as "normal". That doesn't stop me asking if I am normal though. I guess that's probably normal...
I understand that everyone is different but at the end of the day I can't help but compare myself in a million ways to others.
Standard questions I ask myself: Am I too short or is it normal to be 5'1? Am I too fat or is it normal to have love handles that stick out of the top of my jeans a bit? Am I a nice normal person or do people think I'm weird? Is it normal to have stock piles of fake tan in the cupboard? Is it normal to have no hobbies (that I know of)?
That stupid constant feeling of doubting that I'm normal or good enough at work, a good enough friend, a normal date... low-self esteem is something I've struggled with for literally as far back as I can remember. And I've had enough of it being the norm for me.
The only person's opinion I should care about, rather than tie myself up in knots worrying over whether or not something is normal, is my own opinion. In particular my own, normality; my happiness.
That possibly sounds like I am not a happy person. Yes I have depression, but that doesn't stop me finding something funny, or recognising it's nice to be sitting in a beer garden in the sunshine or watching my niece learn to walk makes me feel happy. In fact I think I am quite skilled at making people laugh, including myself about myself.
So, I've decided to re-write my story and make everything about me and how I feel about it to be my normality. Everything from this day forward is normal:
-The bump on my toe that hurts and I am terrified of people seeing; is now normal.
-The fact I'm paler than other people; normal (I'm English for frig's sake!).
-The way I analyse a situation and deal with it at work doesn't match everyone else's at work; normal.
-The way I stack the dishwasher compared to how my Dad does it; normal (albeit he can fit more plates in that me, he's had more experience though).
-I sometimes watch far too much Netflix at a weekend but won't ever admit to the exact amount; normal.
-I crack my knuckles; normal (ok, I get that some people are grossed out by it but get over it).
-I'm 31 and I still get the odd break out of spots; normal.
-I'm female and I have to pluck out hairs from my top lip; normal (obviously this isn't true and I'm naturally fuzz-free)
-I wasn't born wearing makeup, so looking like an ill/slobby student behind closed doors is normal!
-I have depression; it's a common thing, doesn't consume my every thought, and funnily enough how I often feel is normal!